Supporting churches to include people with Autism and Learning Disabilties

Archive for the ‘family’ Category

Church workers – do you talk with CYP and adults with disabilities about sex?

 

Here’s a tough subject.  It’s one that people don’t like talking about in church.  And yet it’s one that all the rest of society is talking about non-stop.

Sex is big business.  Sex is used to sell, to control, to exploit and to harm.  Sex in this society is used as a weapon to destroy lives.  And it’s happening on the internet.  Children, young people and adults are not safe from porn, abuse, manipulation, exploitation – anywhere.  If they are on the internet, they are vulnerable. If you doubt me – read this – please.  And if you don’t doubt it – read it too.  https://www.tes.com/news/school-news/breaking-views/until-you-see-someone-go-through-you-cant-connect-it

And if a child, young person or adult has learning disabilities, physical disabilities, autism or other condition – it is all too easy to think that they are naive and that their naivety will protect them. Of course it won’t, they are more vulnerable to being exploited or abused than most.  And more likely NOT to receive any teaching, support or help to understand what the dangers are.

Who in church can help?

Children’s workers, Youth Workers, groups like the Good News Group and those who preach – all have a platform to help and support families and people with disabilities in this area.  Parents may be so busy doing the day to day caring that they haven’t the time or energy to face this subject as well.  Their fears will be there, however.  I’ve spoken to many parents who fear sexual abuse towards their children and adults with disabilities.

Our fears also come with the fear of not knowing what to say.  Or where to even begin.  So here are my practical tips to get you started.  So first, pray….then…

  1. Don’t put it off. Don’t think someone else will do it or the person isn’t ready for this.  Urgency is key.  But take time to plan what you are going to do and don’t think a one off session will do the job.  Little and often for a long time – that’s the best way to get the messages across and build up knowledge and trust.  Work together with one or more in a team so you are not shouldering the burden of this yourself.  Of course – make sure all your team have done the relevant Safeguarding training and ask your Safeguarding officer for help with this too.

Pray.

  1. Read and be informed. Maybe you have come across porn or been approached for sexualised photos online.  Maybe you feel embarrassed to admit it.  However, if you realise almost EVERYONE has had this experience and that the internet is pushing these images, that people who want to abuse have little or no monitoring online, then honesty will lead you to wake up to the truth of what is happening.  Read reports like the TES one I’ve linked to above and other reports from Children’s charities such as the report https://www.barnardos.org.uk/news/media_centre/Children-with-learning-disabilities-at-risk-of-sexual-exploitation/press_releases.htm?ref=108399 

Pray about what you have learned and ask the Lord for wisdom about what you can do.

  1. Talk to parents, families and people with disabilities to ask about their experiences. Make sure you provide an open and supportive forum for people to share and assure them that together. Help families talk to their children about this.

Pray about this too.

  1. Read the Bible and books that show God’s positive gift of sex. Know what sex was planned to be.  It will be important that CYP and adults know that sex is a gift from God.  Be careful of putting strict rules around it – but instead talk about permanent, safe relationships, marriage and commitment, babies and mutual pleasure.   This is something to do with your church leaders and put together a simple picture of what sex is.

Pray for wisdom, grace and understanding.

  1. We cannot ignore that some people are LGBT and people with autism, learning disabilities and other disabilities can have the same feelings. (In fact, some suggest that 30% of autistic people are LBGT).  (This is an area I am researching and do not feel qualified to give advice right now – however, Jesus is the same for everyone – do not let that be changed).

Pray about this too.  If you feel underqualified to support someone who is LGBT, then ask God to give you wisdom, grace and understanding.  Find a Christian who is also LGBT and ask them for help and advice.

  1. Remember you will never feel ready to tackle this issue. But if you have done some research and lots of praying and asked others to join you in the prayer and planning, then you just have to get on with it.  Children are growing up fast.  The internet is developing faster than anyone can keep up with.  You may start with what is good about sex and then discuss why we put boundaries around that.  It’s about good relationships, respect and safety.  To help you please read this article I wrote about teaching puberty, sex and relationships to autistic children.  http://www.reachoutasc.com/attachments/article/46/17-21_Autism%20sex.pdf

Pray.

  1. Then we must talk about what happens on the internet and why that is unsafe, abusive and dangerous. Use real stories and be prepared for children to be frightened.  It IS frightening and not talking about it will make it even more so if they think that they are not allowed to talk about it.  If the CYP or adult has learning disabilities be careful about how you communicate.  Be factual and reassuring. Use visuals and map things out on large pieces of paper.   Use colour coding to decide what is safe and what might not be.  And make sure they know who they can tell if they see something that might be harmful.

Pray.

  1. Talk about people and what makes someone trustworthy. This is hard because most abuse is done by grooming.  When people build a ‘trusting’ relationship with someone to get them ready for abuse.  Being open, talking about relationships and giving examples can help.  Tell them anyone asking for private pictures should not be given them.
  2. Pray with them about relationships that the CYP or adult will have. They may need to have carers looking after them all their lives.  How can they be safe?  Knowing that there is a regular, open conversation is one of the things that can help.

And pray, and keep talking….and pray some more.

  1. Remember we have a God who is powerful, almighty and who answers our prayers. As Christians we can easily forget that he has conquered evil and death.  Jesus is the saviour of the world.  The best defence against evil is to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and to ask HIM to protect you and keep you safe.  Children, young people and adults need to know Jesus is their saviour too.  That their relationship with Jesus is the one thing that they can trust and rely on.  If we teach the gospel, build their faith and prayer life and pray with them, we can do so much to protect them, and ourselves. There may be some who cannot communicate or access the information we’d like them to know.  We might think they are innocent and we don’t want to destroy that.  But vulnerability is vulnerability.  We can communicate somethings to help them be safe.  For example, learning about privacy and consent.

This is difficult to write about and difficult to cover all that needs to be said.  I am only scratching the surface here and would be happy for people to share their wisdom in the comments.  The message has to be – open your eyes to the dangers, pray and educate our CYP and adults with disabilities so they have a voice, can say no or speak to someone when they are scared by anything that happens to them.  The worse thing to do is to think that they don’t need this, and do nothing.

God Bless and be with you. Amen. 

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A Team of all Abilities.

Here are some of the team as we played a new game I took along with me called “Linkee”.

I was thinking today about the amazing team that I was part of at Keswick.  Thirteen of us were in the team of all backgrounds and abilities.  We were from Glasgow in the North to Worthing in the South, and came together for just one week.    Straight away, on the Sunday afternoon when we all got together for the first time there was a lovely feeling of being in a family.  People who knew each other made sure that people they didn’t know were made to feel welcome.  It was a great start.

For the rest of the week, each person took up their role.  Whether it was welcoming, playing music, leading, signing, computer or serving tea –  I there was no fuss, no power struggles, no moaning.   We shared, laughed and encouraged one another.  Wearing the same T-shirts, who could know what our backgrounds were?  We were a doctor, care workers, unemployed, volunteers, retired, business people, teachers.  It didn’t make any difference.   Nine of us shared the accommodation and cooked, ate and cleaned up together.

I want to use my blog this week to say thank you to this wonderful team.  Thank you for making me feel so welcome and part of things from the start.  Thank you for making me laugh, asking about my life and sharing our needs for prayer.  Thank you for your prayers for the week, for the guests who came and their families and challenges.  Thank you for serving faithfully and joyfully.  Thank you for giving this week of your life to serve and enable people with learning disabilities to access great Bible teaching.  I know we learned from the Bible together.  I saw how all of you sat with, listened and prayed for the guests who came.  I know you will go home with them still on your heart and in your prayers.  I loved how you threw yourself into the week, never minded looking silly or doing something different.  You encouraged and supported, laughed and enabled all to join in.  Thank you.

As you go back to your lives I pray you are blessed.  I pray God touched your lives too and will be with you as you face your own challenges at home.

I’m praying we all get the chance to be part of a team like this again.  A team of all abilities and a team loving Jesus our Lord together.

Lynn x

 

Being included in the mainstream @Keswick Convention

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Our week at Keswick is separate from the main meetings of morning Bible Study.  There is a very good reason for this – many people with learning disabilities that come to our meetings find the main meetings inaccessible.  The language is too complex, it’s talk based and it is a long time to sit still and listen.  There are Bible passages to read and follow – not easy if you can’t read well or at all.  And so our meetings do provide access to the teaching in a way that is visual, explains complex or ‘religious’ words and concepts and allows the congregation to interact, join in and have their Bible teaching in more manageable chunks.  We have used the NIrV Accessible Bible all week and the easy access language in this version has been easy to use and well received.

Keswick Convention are very supportive of the work we do.  Providing these sessions allows families with adults with learning disabilities to access the Convention as a family.  Some can come to our meetings on their own while their parents and carers are able to go to the main meeting.  Others need the continuing support from their parents and carers but they are able to join in something together…rather than feeling that they are having to ‘entertain’ their son or daughter in a meeting that is too complex for them to access.  (It’s not surprising they get bored in a long meeting they cannot understand so well – I do!)  What it does is allow families to feel that all their needs are met in one place, that they can holiday together at the Keswick Convention and feel that all are spiritually refreshed.  I think there may be more we can do to develop this in the future.  More support for the often elderly parents still caring for adult children might be helpful.  We do a lot of praying for and with the guests themselves and a lot of encouraging them to use their gifts in the sessions.  We come alongside them and talk with them, and often find we have a lot in common.  Our love of Jesus is the most amazing thing we share and the Holy Spirit moves amongst us in this week.  You can feel His presence even in the simplest conversations and things that we share together.  But after Keswick, many are going back to complex or difficult situations and it would be good to spend more time praying with and supporting them more individually.

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Another thing we do at the Keswick Convention is go up on main stage on the Wednesday evening meeting.  These seven minutes are a wonderful time for the group and a chance for the other visitors to the Convention to see what we do.  We usually interview one of our guests, giving their testimony.  This year a young woman called Lisa, who is from Glasgow talked about her faith in the wake of having 17 major operations in her life and another one soon to come.  She talked about how she loves working with the children in her church and we could see what a delight she is to her church and they to her.  We then led the congregation in singing one of the songs we had been learning all week “What can I do to be like Jesus?”.  Singing and signing so that everyone could join in.  I took Molly, my puppet up on stage and one of our guests also brought her puppet (Molly’s twin we reckon!) and her confidence as we sang and danced with our puppets together was wonderful.  Instead of being at the back of the group, hiding her face, she was at the front, sharing the limelight with her puppet!

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Being part of the mainstream, even for those seven minutes is important.  I thank the Keswick Convention because they see it as something very important to include in their programme.  Its not to ‘show us off’ or say ‘Arn’t we good to have this here?’ – but they see the Livability/Prospects sessions as an important part of the programme and a way to make the convention accessible for families with adult children with learning disabilities.  I’m looking forward to finding out more about their accessibility for children with additional needs as one of my daughter’s friends was a ‘buddy’ for a child with additional needs all week.  So I will report on that when I find out.  If you were there and want to tell me about your experiences, I’d be really grateful.

Also the Keswick Convention give us a slot to do a seminar on the Thursday morning. Andrew and I delivered a talk on making a sermon/talk accessible through using different forms of communication and visuals etc (based on one of my previous blog posts).  There were only a few people who turned up so I do think there is a lot we can do to advertise and organise this better.  I’d love to offer a whole week of seminars – we in the additional needs stream have a lot to say! From theology to practical tips – every church has something to learn about accessibility.

Why we use drama with adults with learning disabilities.

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The best acting award…

All week at Keswick we have used drama in our meetings.  The Bible passages that we were learning from were from Luke and were excerpts from Jesus’s life and interactions with people he met.

All you need is a simple script (but be willing for participants ad-libbing),  a few bits of costume and the odd prop or two.  We also used the Accessible NIrV Bible all week.

On Monday we did two drama’s looking at Jesus and the sinful woman at the home of Simon the Pharisee and the parable of the two debtors – Luke 7:36-53

On Tuesday we looked at The 10 lepers who were healed – Luke 17:11-17

On Wednesday we looked at Zacchaeus  – Luke 19:1-10

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Zaccheaus and Jesus.

On Thursday we looked at Jesus calls Peter – Luke 5:1-11

On Friday we looked at  The Disciples on the Emmaus Road – Luke 24:13-35

Drama has many advantages.  First it slows down the story so that those who take longer to process information can do so.  It breaks down the story into chunks and adds action to the dialogue.   We show that the events happened to real people and that Jesus came to meet with and help people who had needs just as we do.

Sitting in an hour and a half long session could be really difficult and very boring if all we did was talk.  Concentration and attention may be difficult for some of our guests (and the team!) and breaking up the session with drama, songs and puppets helps keep everyone’s attention and interest.

Participation can be a really good way to make people with learning disabilities feel valued.  We believe passionately that we are all church together and giving the guests the chance to share the story telling with us is important too.  Even those who don’t want to participate enjoy watching others who do.  We were so blessed by all those who acted and brought their own expression and interpretation of the drama to our story.  Three memorable moments for me were on Monday when a shy guest did a fabulous job of wiping Jesus’s feet with her hair (it was a wig!) and the joy as she joined in the drama nearly every day.  Then the deaf/ partically-sighted lady who brought humour into the telling of our ‘parable of the debtors’ story.  And the visitor from the Carlisle group on Thursday whose expression of shock, delight and excitement when Peter caught the whole net of fish in our makeshift boat.  Here are some of the best photos.

So much happened this week that I have another couple of posts to do but I’ll get to them next week.  I’m at home now and feel like I’m still there.  I thank God with all my heart for a week of such blessings.

Can we all be a bit more like Angela please?

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Psalm 131 (NIRV)

A song for those who go up to Jerusalem to worship the Lord. A psalm of David.

Lord, my heart isn’t proud.
My eyes aren’t proud either.
I don’t concern myself with important matters.
I don’t concern myself with things that are too wonderful for me.
I have made myself calm and content
like a young child in its mother’s arms.
Deep down inside me, I am as content as a young child.

Israel, put your hope in the Lord
both now and forever.

I’ve just come home after attending the funeral of one of our Good News Group members.  Angela had Down’s Syndrome and lived to be 61.  She lived with her family and was part of a church that loved and accepted her as she was.  She’d been at the GNG for many years but hadn’t been attending for almost a year due to being ill….but she is and always will be part of our family.  We will miss her very much.

You see Angela didn’t have very many words but those she did have she used to great effect.  She introduced herself to everyone – literally everyone – by going up to them with a huge smile on her face and greeting them with “Hello, my name is Angela” in a beautiful sing song voice.

Angela loved handbags, football and colouring in.  She loved music and singing worship songs and got so excited when we had puppets that we used to just get them out of the box and sit one next to her, just to share in her delight.  She had a twinkle in her eye that told us when she was joking or pulling our leg and Jesus shone in her and from her every pore. And Angela could say “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” because that came from one of her favourite films.

Angela was never judgemental.  She had no regard for status or rank.  She treated everyone the same whether she liked you or you had done something that annoyed her (although she was never mad for long).   Angela lived each day just for that day and didn’t seem to worry about the future.  She did love and engage with everyone around her, no matter who you were.   The Queen would have had the same greeting as a pauper.

A bit like the Jesus I know.

I’m tired of people being excluded from church families because they are different, don’t fit the mould or are the wrong kind of person.  “Are you disabled? Well, you can’t do this or that.   Are you a woman…then, you can’t do this or that.  Are you LGBT?…then, you can’t do this or that.  Are you a foreigner?…well you can’t do this or that.  Can’t you keep you disabled child quiet?…then you can’t do this or that.  Are you mentally ill?…then you can’t do this or that.  We can’t have our churches run by these kinds of people.”  

 Did Jesus make up these categories…I don’t think so…

But these are the messages I hear from all kinds of Christians and church people.  We’re all shouting at each other and no-one seems to be listening.  (Except maybe the outside world who think what are they on about?!)

So, in my grief today I was reminded that Jesus came for all of mankind.  That no-one is excluded unless they think they don’t need him.   I want to be more like Angela and accept everyone, just as they are.  I am working it out as He teaches me what that looks like in practice.  I’m willing to be shown where I’ve got it wrong –  by the Spirit working in and through the people and situations I meet.   At the moment I don’t even know if I want to part of ‘the church’ in this country that’s doing a lot of shouting – but not about the gospel, only at each other.  But I expect God will sort my thoughts out about that eventually.

So will you join me in being more like Angela?  Angela’s name means “MESSENGER OF GOD” and here’s her message. It’s simple really.  Open up your arms and greet people in the name of Jesus.   No matter who they are.

Multi-Ethnic Group Of People Holding The Word Welcome

So I get to speak at a couple of conferences!

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This is unashamedly a plug for the Enabling Church “No Limits” conference happening in less than 2 weeks from today – in London – so if you can come PLEASE do.

The Churches for All organisation has been set up to bring together those Christian organisations that promote inclusion and speak out as people with disability under one umbrella organisation.  To pool resources and work together is the aim, and the conference is born out of this.   But it needs supporting, people need to come so I’m asking you to please try.  And if it is successful, I and others are going to see if we can get some support and a venue to put a similar conference on up in the north of England.

I’m doing 3 workshops at the No Limits conference this time.  I’m busy planning them this week!  (Only left it this late because the Puppet Festival was first – see below!).  But I am happy that I am doing one workshop about helping teens with disabilities grow and flourish in church as they develop into adults.  The second workshop will be showing people how to tell a sensory Bible story and it WILL be interactive!  Thirdly I will be looking at behaviour management in a children and young people’s group.  Some children with challenging behaviours have additional needs, some undiagnosed but I do have a few tips and approaches that just might help.  There are lots of other workshops too as well as the Key note speeches – so do take a look (and book).  Looking forward to seeing some of you there!

The European Puppet and Creative Arts Festival

This was run by One Way UK was last weekend and along with my daughter, we presented 4 workshops over the two days.  The first was simply an introduction to autism, with some tips about how to support children, families and adults with autism.

 

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The second was a practical session looking at different creative ways of communicating the Bible.  We split into two groups and used puppets and sensory stories to tell about Moses and the burning bush and about Jonah.

The third session was an introduction to Makaton and using signing to communicate faith words, in songs and in prayers and was enhanced by the arrival of a newly qualified Makaton tutor…thanks Linda so much for your help!!!

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Finally, I led a discussion session about how inclusive are our churches.  But this being a puppet festival, we used the puppets to show how diverse our congregations are and to act out different ways we exclude people.  It was lovely to finish this session with a prayer time – using our prayer tree and symbols to show how we try to include everyone in our group of adults with learning disabilities.

 

Thanks One Way Uk!  We appreciate the new puppet skills we also learned and I’m looking forward to seeing how we can develop some puppet activities in the Good News Group ministry.

“My church is on Tuesday and we have a train set.”

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This is a guest blog from Elizabeth Mellor who runs an Additional Needs Ministry called “Take 5 take5& Chat”.  I thought it would be good for us to look at what kinds of Additional Needs Ministries were out there and give you some ideas about what you could do too. 

Whitley Bay is a small seaside town in the Far North East of England (FNEofE) and is famous for many reasons. We have St Mary’s Lighthouse, the Ice Rink – and the town has been used as the setting for many films and music videos. Whitley Bay is also the first town to run a Take 5 & chat Café Drop-in, supporting families who have children with additional needs.

It is a sad fact that many churches struggle to be a truly welcoming place for families who have children with additional needs. I know that there are many success stories but I have heard of so many families who take turns to attend church, look after their own children in church settings, or give up and do something more family friendly on Sundays instead.

So I wondered what the church could bring to the lives of families in our communities who face extra challenges? I wondered what ‘church’ could look like.

I thought about being the parent at the school gate whose child isn’t meeting the same targets as others. Perhaps their child isn’t invited to parties. Perhaps the teacher often has stuff to report at the end of each day. Perhaps their child is excluded by physical reasons from taking part in everything. When the other parents chat about the weekend, the holidays, the classroom, the reading scheme, this parent feels isolated and alone.

What about setting up something that meant these parents, from different schools in the area, could meet together, as if at the school gate? What might this look like?

It’s a while since my children were at school and my next step had to be to see if this was still needed. So on 9th March 2015, after much prayer and planning, I launched a Facebook Page www.facebook.com/take5andchat as a ‘place to just be’ for those caring for children with additional needs. The intention was to reflect a face-to-face Café Drop-in on a Facebook Page. It hit the ground running and I saw quickly that the need was still there.

We opened as a friendly, accessible café at Whitley Bay Baptist Church in June 2015 and the Drop-in now opens every other Tuesday afternoon, all year round. The parents asked that we stay open through the school holidays as most activities close.

We have hot drinks and homemade cakes. We have activities and some toys – and a play leader in the holidays, but the children remain in the care of their parents. We are a friendly café, not a play scheme.

Neither are we here to directly promote our faith or attendance at our church on Sundays. We open for the parents to have a safe place to be, “an oasis”, as one parent said. God walks amongst us whether or not we recognise him.

Once relationships were established and everyone felt safe together, a number of the parents asked if we could offer any parenting courses, which we could, and did. (I am a trained Facilitator for Care for the Family’s Time out for Parents… but maybe that’s another blog post!)

So now there are over 30 families who ‘drop in’ to a room at the side of our church. They have found support and encouragement. They come with friends, they make new friends, they share the names of helpful teachers at local schools and tell each other where to go for further support and advice. They keep in touch via a closed Facebook Group. Whenever our team is a bit stretched, these parents eagerly step up to help set up, serve at the ‘counter’, clear up or talk to new parents. Because Take 5and chat Café Drop-in is their place and they belong.

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Most of the parents have never been involved in any kind of church before.

Some ‘sign in’ on Facebook at the church.

Many now describe our church as their church.

On Tuesdays. With cake… and a train set.

 Our Founder & Coordinator, Beth, is available to talk with your team, or to your church/faith group, about setting up a Café Drop-in for those parenting children with additional needs. Sometimes having someone from outside explaining it can really help! (Fee is dependent on time and distance, and is to cover costs, please ask.)

If you would like to run a ‘Take 5 & chat’ Café Drop-in, using our name and logo, there is a one-off License fee allowing use of our name and logo to named individuals. We send you digital copies and a certificate. You can use this for your closed Facebook group, on mugs & aprons. (There is a good supplier!)

If you choose your own name, then please acknowledge us if you use any of our general wording or ideas. We can still help you get started!

Email    info@take5andchat.org.uk

www.facebook.com/take5andchat  

https://twitter.com/take5andchat

Website (coming soon) www.take5andchat.org.uk

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